This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has
ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans
to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta,
or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta. Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only
way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and
start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include
the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House." Except that
in Cobb County, where all directions begin with, "Go to
the Big Chicken."
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is
not to be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way
home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always
send you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke's all they drink
there, so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's
made by Coca-Cola.
The 8am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5pm
rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour
starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2am
Saturday.
Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue,
so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People
will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawntz duh LEE-awn."
And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."
The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to
immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake
falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all
the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a
week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of
milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one
of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle
of the road.
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their
feet in the air.
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start
drinking it when you're 2 years old.
~~~~
You know you are from Georgia if...1. You can properly pronounce Chickamauga, DeKalb, Dahlonega, Smyrna, Buena Vista, Valdosta, Okefenokee, and La Fayette.
P.S.. Atlanta = ADD-LANNA not AT-LANT-A.
2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies.
4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
7. You think everyone from a Yankee-state has an accent.
8. You measure distance in minutes.
11. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
18. Ironically, you only crave Chik-Fil-A and alcohol on Sundays..when neither are sold.
19. On one side of the road there's Wal-Mart and on the other is a cotton field.
22. Fried chicken is a major part of your diet.
24. You call it a cold Christmas if you don't break out in a sweat in your new sweater.
25. When a single snowflake falls, the entire state shuts down, even if it doesn't stick. The radio and TV news will make snowstorm reports every 10 minutes and the grocery store will be completely sold out of bread, milk, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
26. People actually grow, eat and like okra!
27. You know the difference between a hillbilly, a redneck, and a Southerner.
30. You understand that at least once a year your car will turn yellow with pollen.
32. You say "tuna fish sandwich." (not tuna sandwich)
34. Braves=good. Yankees=bad. Mets=LOATH
35.You love sweet tea, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and all Southern comfort food...and Southern comfort.
40. You are 100% Georgian if you have ever had this conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr Pepper.”
~~~
Rules of the SouthJust because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
People walk slower here.
If attending a funeral in the South: remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the tiniest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
Florida is not considered a Southern state (except Gainesville). There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
~~~
The Ten Commandments of Grits
1. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
2. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits; for this is blasphemy.
3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits.
4. Thou shalt only use Salt, Butter and Cheese as toppings for thy Grits.
5. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
6. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
7. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
8. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
9. Thou shalt not put sugar on thy Grits either.
10. Thou shalt not put sugar or syrup on thy Grits.~~~
The Story that Explains it all:One day a southerner was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a Yankee businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the Yankee businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!" The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what would my reward be?"
"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the Yankee's answer.
"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The businessman replied, "You'll make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!"
"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.
The Yankee businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said.
"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!"
Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you'll never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset, without a care in the world!"
The fisherman looked up at the poor Yankee and smiled.
~~~
Some Things to Remember, Visitors! It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. So, drive or get out of the way.
That bent-over farmer did more work before breakfast than you do all week, including your visits to the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he surely DESERVES IT.
If you bring "Coke" into our homes, it'd better be brown, wet, and best served over a glass of ice.
What's that? People are waving at you in your car and smiling at you on the streets? We call it being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
We don't do "hurry up" well.
Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. You want to put milk and sugar on them then you want cream of wheat -- go to Kansas. That would be west.
Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -- and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called Diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.
You burn an American flag in our state -- you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature (all 4 of them) enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $10 fine for beating up the flag burner.
Current Location: magic school bus
Current Mood: nervous